I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
