its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
