a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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