guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
