i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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