It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
