i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
