Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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