BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
