It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
