pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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