my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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