Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
