She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We have started to decorate penises.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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