Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
