I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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