she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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