There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
