That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
