I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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