Girls should come with a carfax report
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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