Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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