good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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