Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
