Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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