You really coming over, don't trick.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
