too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
