cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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