Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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