And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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