All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize