so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
