Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
