my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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