I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
