I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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