Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
