After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
