She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
