Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
