how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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