DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
