Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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