I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
