Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
