He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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