My first STD was from a foam party
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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