At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
