Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
