too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
