Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
