a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
