I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm both gender and math confused
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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