Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
