You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
