theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
