Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
