Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
