We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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