if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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