So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
